Looking everywhere for a while now how and where to find it. Busy catching curveballs in between.
Pluto is squaring of my Sun, stripping down elements of my ego which no longer suit anymore. It's not a choice, it's choosen for me. Patterns of behaviours, outdated structures. It's happening for a while now at emotional level, physical level and external level.
My Sun is in the 4th house, my home is my expression of who I am, it's my safe haven, my comfort place away of the scary big world out there. My home needs renovation and so do I.
Am over 50 and it's a mental strange thing, like puberty going backwards. Seeing my body change is more difficult than I thought, whilst my spirit stays the same in age and energy. A feeling of being mortal overcomes me, whilst my full life I felt unmortal. I accept every wrinkle and grey hair, I would never change anything to look younger. I am human and I age. But this scrupulous energy that crowls daily in my head that life is something that ends at one point, is giving me the shivers. The pressure of Pluto cracking my Sun (my ego) is getting me into a state of a deep dive into my soul, overlooking every detail of my life, giving me a realisation of it's now or never and it's stripping my ego into pieces. 'How did I get here', suddenly I realise that Gen-Z sees me as a grandma, suddenly I realise that an important goal in my life isn't fullfilled yet. I got it, but it was taken away from me.
A part of me is dying, that's what Pluto does and graciously I bury it, locking in the memory.
This plunging in my soul is not something I do voluntarily. As everytime I set a step forward, I am pulled backwards. I am an Aries, I have no patience, I am a fire starter, but the universe is forcing me to surrender. I have to search backwards in order to move forward.
I am looking for my "Niche" (according to google: [a position where one can function comfortably, especially under specific conditions].
With the help of Nietzsche? Nietzsche speaks of chaos, or one's individual creativity, which – when sought through the acquisition of self-knowledge – will result in a dancing star, or a unique contribution to the world, accompanied by a feeling of divine happiness.
That is my mission for 2023 and it's not going to be easy. I got tricked since the Scorpio eclipse back in October, leaping me forward with some karmic encounters, physically, mentally, internally and externally. The eclipse was conjunct my natal Jupiter(rx) and it's my ascendant ruler. A Saggitarius with a heavy Scorpio flavor. I am a soul searcher, of myself and others and the eclipse made it on steroids. In order to get where I need to be, Pluto is transforming me, giving me illnesses to stay home bound, isolating me to face my deepest fears and within that tunnel where I feel I am set into, I am searching for the position where I can function comfortably. Just simple, at home, with my loved ones, there is my niche. Getting step by step up my feet, 2 steps forward, one back. From rock bottom to the only way is up! Hail, hail Pluto🙏🏻.
...and by the way, I don't rise from the ashes, I am the fire who starts them, I am an Aries❤️