Alchemy is the purification process of merging the shadow aspects of the self with polarity aspect of light


✨What is the 'Shadow Self'?

All what is you, what you hide from the outside world. The side what you are not proud of, what you reject, not accept, keep hidden, but craves. You know it's not good for you, still you want it. This can be 'bad' behaviors, addictions, taboo's, 'bad' impulsions. All what is considered non-acceptable by the mass. The part what you do not discuss with others, what you are ashamed about or what society labels as shame, the part what you chew on your own, in the dark at night, what keeps you awake and what you (want or forced too) keep in the dark. The part what people do not want to hear. Feelings of frustration, dispair, grief, victimization, unfairness, unworthyness, co-dependancy, fear of rejection/commitment, toxicity, negativity to name a few. Forthcoming from low feelings of self-worth caused by a lack of nurturing/acceptance (during childhood), i.e. from parents, family, school or of lack of self-care. 

The good news is: we all have it, a shadowside, since we are humans living in a world full of polarity as we are all polorized beings. We all have the good, the bad & the ugly within us. One copes better with it than the other. Day to day life is a constant battle of duality where we are making or needing to make decisions based upon opportunistic or egotistical choices. We cannot make everyone happy, even if we want too. Even if you do, it'll cost you. Sometimes our senses rule, sometimes our reptile brain rules, sometimes our addictions rule, sometimes our impulses rule, sometimes our ego rules and sometimes it's ruled for us. Sometimes we feel like there is no choice, as we do not want to hurt other people. As with choices comes consequences. In our core we are egotistical beings. We are born alone and we die allone. Life is a survival of the fittest. The choice is what we make of it in between the fraction of earthly time what we are given.

Life is not only black nor white, there is a lot of grey. The challenge is to find the color of it in the darkness.





What causes or can cause low self esteem?

The energetic behaviors of lack during upbringing. The household you grew up in is the psychological inheritance for your life. DNA is crossed over, what you experience from your parents & families blueprint determines your blueprint for life, given in your horoscope chart.
Several different reasons can cause that you didn't got the care you needed or wanted. I.e. neglectance, abuse, emotional abandonment, divorce, absence of a parent, conflicts, death, arguments, addictions etc. The gravity doesn't matter, how you experienced, percieved and processed it does. Even when you grew up in a loving environment, there can have been phases, trauma or experiences what gave unfulfillment because you had different expectations or different needs which where not met. As a child, you just accept, you do not know the difference. You are dependent on your parents and family and they might have been co-dependant on you.


How come that a lack of self-worth results in shadow behaviors?

We wanna push away our bad behaviors. We wanna be liked, loved, recognized, accepted, nurtured. So we show our best selves to the outside world (your ascendant tells you which mask you show to people) as what you give you presume to get in return. And we do not wanna show our struggles, weird thoughts, strange behaviors, problems due to being afraid of not being accepted. High school is the 'best' playground where we are shown what is disliked in our personality. We overextend ourselves, deny ourselves, change ourselves just to belong to the popular crowd and be accepted in the group. If you are not popular, you are outcast. The ego rules, the ego as part of the body (Sun sign) is always in survival mode. The less you got, the more you crave.

The art is to starve that ego and start feeding your soul!


✨Where to find your shadow self?

In Lilith.

Black Moon Lilith (BML) in your chart (house, sign, aspects) tells you where you roar and where you are raw. She is the uncontrollable force within each of us. She is the embodiment of our hidden, dark craving aspects. She doesn't accept being denied.
If you want to get to know her, I redirect you to my friend Eva her website, as she can explains you all about lilith: Plutonicdesire

Which houses are hidden from the public?

- 12th house (the house of self-undoing behind the horizon)

- 8th house (whatever happens in the 8th house, stays in the 8th house). 

These houses (ruled by Pisces (Neptune) & Scorpio (Pluto/Mars) require attention as here suffering happens behind closed doors. 

How do addictions happen?

Addictions (found in Neptune) are highs to cover up our lows. They numb our pain, brain, feelings & emotions which are too hard to feel and face. Addiction is an escape route away from reality. The excellent way to avoid hidden painfull truths. Addictions create self-destruction. To stop an addiction you need to rewire your brain & body as when an addiction is born, the neuron button in the brain is activated and mind-body-soul are aligned in craving more and more to numb the senses to get to the short lived highs. That's why addictions are so hard to handle as they play out through all levels, no matter what the root cause is.


Everything that is bigger than us is in control of us!

The ant fears the bird, the bird fears the cat.
The cat (a predator) is submissive to mankind. Why? It trusts.

The art is to tame the roar of the Lion. For you is to learn how to have the confidence to look into it's mouth (by regaining & retaining self awareness & control) and he will only open it's mouth when he trusts that it doesn't hurt him. 

What are toxic relationships, what's the root cause and why are they karmic?

What: disgard of signals which cause dissalignment, due to crossing & the lack boundaries 

Root cause: imbalance of energy & trust (read further below at the guidance section)

Why: law of cause & effect with the purpose to be balanced 

A relationship becomes toxic (poisonned) when high & low vibrations clash, like a thunderstorm where cold and hot air clash and lightning strikes. When the energy is poisonned it will build up and the relationship will break and fall apart (Tarot Tower card/Astrology Uranus).

When subconscious energies become to concious awareness and are not worked through openly and simultaneously, it creates a disalignment.
Intimate relationships work as a katalysor where two souls are mirroring eachother, unintentionally triggering deepest soul wounds and lacks. Karmic relationships can have their root from previous lifetimes where the souls keep on encountering one another to overcome their individual burdens. 

Only love can hurt like this, only love can heal like this.

The antidote lies within the poison. What are the substances of the poison? Where does it come from, relate too? A toxic pattern stays alive as long as negative behavioral tendencies haven't been solved. As soon as it's brought to the surface into the open, the antidote lies within positive behavioral patterns. But sometimes we are not aware that our behaviors are toxic, as with the best intentions we are hiding our authenticity as we do not wanna hurt people or we want to cover up our 'bad' behavior. Why we do that? Because we are stuck in an anxiety loop of loss, control and fear. We keep control, because we have fear to loose something of our lifes. If we keep addictions alive, due to the high's, we're not able to face the low. Why? What is your low? What is your fear? What are you trying to control? If you let go of the outcome, you are able to set in the break of the circle. If you're not able to break the loop, the Universe does it for you. 

Karma is built with everbody. Karma is also built between Twin Souls. But if the root between two people is fundamentally structured with unconditional love (caried over from several lifetimes?), I believe there is only one soul where you are able to heal it with, the twin soul, as it's your other half. As these souls are able to set such a transformational process in action that it's able to heal individually as the base is unconditional love which is the highest universal frequency, whilst when it's 'only' a karmic connection where love turns to enmity resentment has a chance to win due to the toxicity. Sometimes you only meet to settle the karmic bond and one moves on. A twin soul can push you through the limits to find yourself and become a better version of yourself (imo). The definition of what the relationship is doesn't matter, how you cope and deal with the shadow aspects within yourself is a choice. It takes courage to face your inner demons, to fight the battle between the light & dark is a fight of the self, as only the emptyness is mirrored back at you through another person. It's about healing yourself.

✨ Guidance 

When you in a rut, you can do the following.

* Ask yourself questions:

- What did you like when you where a child? Do it again

- Which music calms you down? Listen to the songs

- What are your core qualities? Write 'em down

- What do you want? Listen to yourself, to your intuition

Your intuition is that little voice inside yourself that never lies to you. As soon as you get negative thoughts/emotions, your ego is taken over. Comfort your ego and listen to your soul. 

Everytime when you are pulled into unpleasant memories or feelings, you need to pull yourself out of it by replacing it with pleasant memories. Let go of control, face the fear. The only thing you can loose is to loose yourself.

✨ Built trust within yourself:

How? Be scrupulously honest with yourself. Because when you're honest with yourself, you can live an authentic life. Because if you don't trust yourself, how can you trust another person? If you don't trust another, there is a part within yourself that you do not trust (this hides deep in your soul in the shadows). As with all the things you lack & resent within yourself, you project & seek subconsciously(!!) the lack within another person, whilst you crave to fill the emptiness within yourself. To learn that lesson or in other terms: to come into balance with yourself, the Universal laws come in play. The Universe gives you exactly what you ask for, consiously but also subconsciously. The law of attraction, polarity, rhythm etc. all working simultaneously. 

For example, if you seek confidence, you lack confidence within your self. You give (project) a lot of confidence but subconsciously you also project the lack of it and ask subconsciously confidence in return in order to fill your empty shadow gap. But since the confidence is not rooted authentically it floats upwards unconsiously and the other person distrust the actions.
Another example. When you consiously seek trust, you project distrust subconsciously as you attract the opposite of what you lack on both ends. Meaning you attract 'trust' to come to terms with the disalignment within yourself, but when you don't see the opportunity to grab the chance to incorporate what is given & shown to you (trust or security) and won't change as you are dishonest or insecure to yourself, you keep getting what you got ending up within the same loop of the self-fulfilling prophecy resulting in victimization of oneself and possible blaming the other that the other is not trustworthy. A merry go round, where the circle needs to be broken through, otherwise you stay in a pull/push dynamic. 

Throughout life this can build up over and over again if you don't come to terms with your own flaws, gaps, emptiness.
As Einstein already said: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. 
To be honest with or have confidence & security within yourself, you need to learn by accepting who you are, including the flaws & mistakes by acknowledging, facing and working with the hidden demons within yourself in stead of working against or ignore them. As every time when you push them down, they will rise up stronger. Meaning, trust & confidence should be worked on by yourself, to align yourself with the vibration. You need to fill your own cup first before you can share, offer or pour it into another.


You seek, what seeks you - Rumi

And if you wanna seek what is seeking you authentically and aligned, than shadow work is nessesary to transform the deep rooted shadow aspects.


How to align mind, body, soul:


* Take care of yourself first

* Awknowledge your shadow behaviour

* Get therapy/help

* Do something you always wanted to do

* Exercise 

* Drink water to purify

* Go into 'hermit' mode (withdraw)

* Detox mind & body as automatically your soul is cleansed

* Purify your life before Pluto does it




"Thinking within the boundaries of the ego's mind, doesn't allow you to follow your soul's desire"



(Re) create yourself as nobody will do it for you!

-own your act & own who you are-

It's your journey, it are your planets, it's your circus!


If you wanna learn more about this topic or help about this topic, please reach out.